I want to apologize to everyone that I’ve been slacking, I got a job! My pup and I packed up my things and we’re officially Missouri residents! But that’s not what brings me here, what brings me here is dating again.

I recently started dating a new guy and I’ve been so resistant to allowing him to get serious with me. I’m so comfortable with him, but there’s something there that I can’t let go. 

This weekend, he’s supposed to come see me (We live an hour and a half from eachother). He said he had to work late tonight, and that he would come tomorrow. Then tonight comes and he’s with friends all night and not texting me back.

The old me wouldn’t care, I’m not his girlfriend. He should go have fun with his friends.

But that’s not me anymore.

This me that lays here at 1AM, crying. The girl that takes it as “I’m not important enough to want to spend the whole weekend with,” that’s me. I’m broken.

Years of feeling unappreciated. Years of being taken for granted. Years of manipulation. Years of emotional, mental, verbal, and physical abuse. This is me now. 

And I hate it.

But I don’t know how to stop it.

It’s been six months since I was able to break my self of my ex boyfriend, and it kills me he did this to me. I don’t want to feel this way. But I do. And I don’t know if I’m ever not going to.

I feel like a young, immature, clingy, insecure girl. But I’m so much more than that.

One day I’ll find a man that understands this. That is willing to love me for who I’ve become, and for my past. And take care of my soul on nights like tonight when I feel extra broken, unappreciated, and unloved. 

But first, I need to be strong enough to understand I deserve a man like that.