We’ve all heard that cliché saying “If you don’t want me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”…
For years, I believed this to be an excuse. A man shouldn’t have to put up with you at your worst. When you’re being a rude b*tch, YOU’RE in control of that. When you’re in a bad mood, YOU need to take yourself out of it. It’s an excuse for a woman to treat that man badly.
However, as of two days ago, I started believing in this quote.
A man that I have poured my heart out to told me he wants a “successful woman” and I’m not it.
So I chose to get my Master’s instead of starting a job, isn’t that success? So I chose to travel the world before I settled down, isn’t that a feat in itself?
Here’s the thing, success can be defined in many ways, but I don’t think a successful career is it.
In his defense, he didn’t say I wasn’t successful because I didn’t have a job, but what else could it be?
I’m 25 years old and I’ve done and seen more than a lot of people ever will. I’ve immersed myself in cultures all over the world. I have a compassionate soul with a yearning to help others. I am passionate in my hobbies and light up when I get to talk about them. I’m optimistic about everything you put in front of me. Im motivated when it’s important. And even though I’m a little lost at times, I’m successful in what I believe in. I strive to reach the goals I make for myself to have a fulfilling life, things like traveling and volunteering and happiness.
Success is about pushing yourself to be a better person every day, even when you don’t know where you’re going.
Success is in you, not in what you do.
Maybe he doesn’t understand this because his idea of success is a career, but I believe success is defined by who you are as a person.
Here’s the thing though, it doesn’t matter what you define “success” as, when you want to be with someone, success shouldn’t matter for TWO main reasons:
1. You love someone for their soul, their passions, the chemistry you feel. Not for what they’ve succeeded at, but what they’ve failed at to make them a better person.
2. You’re supposed to support that person in the good times and the bad. You don’t get to choose when you get to be with that person. If they’re not “successful” now, will they ever be? Will they ALWAYS meet your requirements as being “successful” enough? And if they don’t, will you leave them for someone who is?
I’ve spent the last two days upset over hearing I’m not “successful” enough, but you know what? I shouldn’t be. I’m a catch. I have SO much going for me. And if he doesn’t want me because I don’t meet his “success” requirements, if he doesn’t want me right now because I’m at my worst when it comes to my career, he sure as HELL doesn’t deserve me at my best.
Your partner should be your cheerleader, he should lift you up at your lowest, he should encourage you. And you should NEVER feel like you’re not good enough for him because if he doesn’t want you, someone else will know your worth and take care of you. Will take care of your soul. And after all, who you are as a person is what defines you, not what you do.
So to the man who doesn’t want me when my bank account is dwindling, I’m lost in my career path, and I live with my parents:
When I DO “succeed”, when I have a great career, and my own home, I’ll make sure the person I’m with see’s me for who I am, supports me in the good and the bad, and chooses to see me as a success even when I’m failing, because THAT’S the kind of man I deserve to have.