I’m not going to lie, I’ve been struggling to find material to write about. Maybe it’s because I’ve been in Missouri with my family and haven’t had time to reflect on what in my life I’m sad about. Or maybe it’s because I’m finally feeling like me again.

Recently, I’ve talked about the guy I was with briefly during an off period with my ex. Living near Missouri, I was able to convince him to meet me while I was there. The time with him was wonderful, it was like we never stopped seeing each other, but immediately after he started playing hard to get again.

And you know what? It doesn’t hurt. I know what I felt for him was real. I know if he gave me a second chance, falling back in love with him would be easy. But I can’t force a man to love me. I can’t force a man to want to be with me.

And you know what else? I deserve more. Sure, I screwed him over to begin with, but I laid my heart out there for him. I put aside my pride. Time changes everything, and maybe with time he’ll decide he wants to be with me. Or maybe we’ll never cross paths again. Whatever the outcome, someone is out there for me.

I need to stop pushing what I have in front of me and let what’s meant to happen, happen. If I spend the next year continuously apologizing for my mistakes and trying to get this guy back, I may let the real man of my dreams walk right by.

We all have a path we belong on. I’m learning to let that path lead me in the right direction. At times I feel like I deviate from this path, but I don’t. Everything happens for a reason.

I just need to remember to live everyday for myself, strive for happiness, and my future it bright.

Much love.

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